Out of the Mouths of Babes

Our fourth daughter picks up amazing insights from her three older sisters, parents, and others. Here’s a taste…

Pelemeni (Russian dumplings)

9 y.o.: “Daddy, when you’re rich will you buy me a pelemeni factory?”
Daddy: “But I am rich. I have you.”
<pause>
9 y.o.: “But seriously, will you?”

 

Sisters and Marriage

8 y.o., regarding her two collegiate-aged sisters:

“If they get married, do I have to be nice to their husbands?”

“Because I don’t want to have to be nice to them.”

 

Daddy

8 y.o. (climbing into Dad’s lap): “I’m going through a Daddy phase.”

 

Voting

8 y.o.: “Are we allowed NOT to vote?”

 

Bedtime

Daddy to 7 y.o. (aka, 4th and youngest daughter): “Do you want to be the 4th daughter? Or the 1st, or 2nd or 3rd?”
7 y.o.: “I want to be the 4th, because I don’t have any problems.”

 

Airport Security

6 y.o. at airport this morning, to older sister: “Do we get to do that fun suitcase thing?”
Sister: “What suitcase thing?”
6 y.o.: “You know, where we drop off the bags and then pick them up again.”
Sister (confused): “You mean baggage claim? Like when we pick up our luggage when we get back..?”
6 y.o.: “No, the fun one where you have to drop everything really fast.”
Sister: “Oh, you mean security. You think security is fun? Bless you.”

 

Chris Pontius

6 y.o.: “Daddy, you smell like Chris Pontius.”
Daddy (having just taken a shower), chopping celery: “Um, what does that smell like?”
6 y.o.: “Um, like men.”

 

Study Abroad

6 y.o.: Daddy, guess where I want to go for ibord, um, erbrod – abroad on my college?
Dad: Where, darling?
6 y.o.: Hello Kittyland!!!! [Sanrio Puroland amusement park, in outskirts of Tokyo]

 

A Visit to the Doctor

5 y.o. Doctor (w/stethoscope): “Now, what seems to be the problem?”

Patient (Mom): “Well, nothing, but I’m cold and I can’t seem to get warm.”

Doctor: “Um, but what hurts?”

Patient: “Nothing. I’m just cold.”

Doctor: “But I want something to hurt, so can you tell me what hurts?”

 

Don’t Forget to Fossil Your Teeth

5 y.o., watching Daddy use dental floss: “Oh. Daddy, you’re fossiling your teeth?”
Daddy: “Uhuh.”

 

Jingle Bells #1

5 y.o.: “Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells … O what fun it is to ride in a one-hearse open sle-ay!!”

 

Doctor Selva Checks My Brain

Doctor Selva (aka, 5 y.o.) puts on her white smock in order to examine me.

Doctor: “Um, will you open this for me please (handing me her medical case, which she can’t get open).”

Me: “Sure, Doctor.”

Doctor (using a real stethoscope): “First, I’m going to check my heart to be sure it’s beating. Ok, it is. It goes like this: boom-boom, boom-boom.”

Me: “That’s great.”

Doctor (seeing the bloody blister on my palm; result of intense gardening): “Uggh/eww (cringes and slightly moves away). I don’t like that.”

Me: “But Doctor, it’s just a blister. Aren’t you going to make it feel better?”

Doctor: “I don’t want to see that. Keep it away from me.”

Me: “Ok.”

Doctor: “Ok, now I’m going to check your brain. But don’t worry, I’m not going to crack it.”

Me: “Ok, that’s great. Thank you.”

 

Smell-Good Stuff

5 y.o.: “Mama, can I spray the smell-good stuff in the air in my room? . . . in these two rooms? . . . in the stairs?”

Mama: “I guess so, but just once in each place, okay?”

5 y.o.: “Okay. . .”

30 minutes later, Mama realizes she’s slipping and sliding all over the place. It wasn’t Glade after all. It was Pledge.

 

Circle Time

4 y.o.: “Mama, does Daddy have Circle Time at his work?”

Mama: “Yes, Sweetie, but they’re called ‘meetings.'”

 

Trust Me, I’m Doctor Selva

Doctor Selva (5 y.o.): “Now I’m going to check your nose (aka, ‘noskrils’). Ok. There’s hair in there.”

Patient (Dad): “Thank you, Doctor.”

Dr. Selva: “Now I’m going to check your ear. Hmmm. There’s a brain in there.”

Patient: “What are you going to do?”

Dr. Selva: “There. I took the brain out.”

 

The Doctor Knows Her Stuff

5 y.o.: I think you have a case of “diagnosis,” so we’ll have to give you pineapple juice.

 

Miscellany

5 y.o. is excited for her friend at church to get “bathtized” in a few weeks.

 

Wrestling

Wrestling with 4 yo.:

4 y.o.: “Daddy, you be the doggy, I be the chew toy.”

 

Jingle Bells #2

4 y.o. in car, repeatedly: “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, Old McDonald had a farm and ee-i-ee-i-ooOh! …”